From time
immemorial a woman's virginity has been her prized
possession. Throughout history one will read about cultures across the world
placing a high value on a a woman's virginity. But times are changing and for
an increasing number of young men and women, sex is no longer the kind of taboo that it earlier used to
be. And much to our older generation's charging, pre-marital sex is a definite
reality of our times.
In fact, these
days, couples who are in a relationship have no qualms about getting sexually intimate
with each other even though there may be no guarantee that the relationship
will culminate into marriage. However, when it does come to the question of
marriage, especially in the case of arranged marriages, a woman with a sexually
active history still raises eyebrows and sets tongues wagging. What then is the
big deal about virginity and how does this kind of a mentality hamper the lives
of numerous women?
According to Dr Vatsa,
gynaecologist and sex counsellor, this kind of mentality is largely because our
traditional values are still strongly embedded in us. "One of the most
common questions I get, till date, is 'How do I know that my bride or
girlfriend is a virgin?' The only answer that I have to such questions is that
there is no way to know," says Dr Vatsa. According to him, it's just the
man's and his family's inflated ego that results in such unrealistic demands.
How then, does our traditional culture not hamper couples from engaging in
pre-marital sex? "Once a couple is engaged, it's like a license for
marriage so they feel they can do anything," he opines.
"It's actually
not such a big deal. However, I still get men who complain to me saying that
the wife did not bleed on the first night and hence, they suspect that she's
not a virgin. The truth is that the presence of the hymen which ruptures (resulting in the bleeding) is not a sure shot sign of
virginity. Some women are born without it, there there are those for whom it is
so elastic that it never ruptures while for some it is so fragile that a
slightly intense activity may have ruptured it without them even realising it.
It is just not possible to access whether a girl is a virgin or not by just
examining her except if she's been through a pregnancy or if she admits to
having sexual intercourse," says sexologist Dr Tony.
He goes on to add
that in a relationship, if a couple is to make it work successfully, it is more
important for the couple to worry about virtues like trust and honesty.
"If a woman admits to a sexually active past, it shouldn't be held against
her. The very fact that she's even admitting it, even though she could have
very well hidden it, means that she is honest and that's all that should
matter," he says.
An intact hymen is
not a sure sign of virginity.
A woman's hymen can
be ruptured by non-sexual activities like intense sports, dancing, sitting
astride on two wheelers, etc.
It is not necessary
for a virgin to bleed the first time she has sex. In fact, is one goes by the
statistics, only 42 per cent of women do so.
With the current
advances in medical technology, a plastic surgeon can quite easily reconstruct
a layer of tissue to resemble the hymen (the procedure is called Hymenoplasty).
Remember, virginity
and chastity are not the only measures to base a happy marriage on, honesty and
trust are far more important traits that both partners should possess.
