When porn creeps in your relationship

Your partner's 'harmless' viewing habits can jeopardise your relationship, but throwing a fit without understanding will do no good either.

Many think pornography has no ill effects. However, research has proved that pornography can shape attitudes and encourage behaviour that harms individuals and families. Because it is often viewed in secrecy, it creates deception in marriage, often leading to divorce. Moreover, pornography promotes the allure of adultery, prostitution and unrealistic expectations that lead to dangerous promiscuous behaviour.

Where's the love?
Some believe that if you aren't turned on by your partner, it is okay to fantasise about someone else while having sex or watching porn. While it may help superficially, the risks run deeper. You may feel excited while being 'with' your partner but not 'by' him/her. There will be sex, but no love and the former is a great barometer to know the relationship's well-being.

Turning to porn for excitement when there is an option of physical intimacy is a sign of sexual immaturity. Don't live in denial that it's for 'fun'. For such a person, sex might only be skin-deep.

Stimulant factor
Many people rely on pornography for stimulation. This is because they spend so much energy numbing themselves that they cannot 'feel' unless given a large and strong stimulation. Everyday, sex counselors come across many cases of sexual problems and resentments stemming from the use of porn.

The ugly side
Porn is a special class of 'sex addiction' that's distinct from promiscuity, compulsive masturbation, anonymous sex, paedophilia, fetishes, voyeurism etc. It can best be described as an obsessive relationship with a fantasy. For many, porn simply adds to their otherwise sexually addictive behaviour.

Pornography, like any other sex addiction, becomes the user's fix. The user becomes so enraptured, that he ends up destroying perfectly good relationships by spending hours (sometimes days) surfing porn and wasting money on it.

The stages
Dr Victor Cline, researcher and psychology professor, found a fourstep progression among many who consume pornography.
Addiction: A strong aphrodisiac effect, followed by sexual release, mostly via masturbation.
Escalation: Over time, addicts require more explicit and deviant material to meet sexual 'needs'.
Desensitisation: What was first perceived as gross, shocking and disturbing, in time becomes common and acceptable.
Acting out sexually: An increased tendency to act out behaviours that one views in pornography.

Where does it begin?
Some therapists say that pornography is simply an excuse to justify lack of control and unwillingness to conform to acceptable norms.

Other shrinks maintain that it is a 'compulsive behaviour' that has its roots in early childhood and can afflict both males and females.

It is believed that people who suffer from this disorder often come from 'dysfunctional families'.

There is evidence that a high percentage of people who experience the need to have a continuous compulsive urge to watch pornography, were physically or emotionally abused as children.

Porn and the community
The general content of pornography supports abuse and rape (supported by the myth that women enjoy forceful sex) and serves as a how-to for sex crimes. For example, in America, in the Phoenix neighborhoods where 'adult' businesses were located, the number of sex offenses was 506 per cent greater than in areas without such businesses. Dr Mary Anne Layden, director of education, University of Pennsylvania Health System pointed out, "In the 13 years of her treating sexual violence victims and perpetrators, I have not treated a single case that did not involve porn."

'I' before 'You'
External stimulations are necessary when sex is merely a physical activity. The lack of love cannot be blamed on any one. In such a case, both partners need to examine their relationship, either individually or with a counsellor. Very often, wives look down upon the husband and engage in a blame game. However, it is best to ask oneself, 'What can 'I' do to bring more depth into my relationship and turn in into something that involves more than sex?'

Things that could turn your man off

Things that surprisingly could be a turn off for men

Second-guessing your thoughts, your instincts
Some women avoid communicating and expressing their feelings and thoughts. They expect men to read their minds and guess their thoughts, which is not always possible. And when they fail they receive the cold shoulder for not playing the guessing game right. Nothing is more annoying for men then a woman who will just not say what she wants but expect you to read the 'signs'. Another thing that really gets to men is some women assuming that men know what they want them to do. Saying one thing and doing just the opposite just confuses things even more for men. So, play it straight and just speak up, it leaves no room for miscommunication or misunderstandings.

Playing the I am the superior card
Some women equate men with being dumb, everyone makes mistakes but there is no need to constantly rub it in. It only makes you a nag and can be annoying.

Smothering you with too much attention
Always remember that your guy has a mother and there is no need for you to step into her shoes. While it's okay to comfort and be there for him, don't treat him like a child and smother to such an extent that it starts bugging him.

Sharing too much information
Men are not always comfortable talking about their problems, unlike some women who would go overboard sharing every minute detail with everyone in sight. Learn to exercise caution, and don't overshare. Learn to keep things to yourself at times, especially something thats shared with you in private. It will build trust and also encourage the guy to open up more. Also, if you have just got to know the guy, there is no need to share every little detail with him. Learn to keep somethings to yourself and share only what is necessary.

Planning future way ahead of time
Learn to live in the moment, and while planning what to do on your birthday is okay, planning what you will do in your 50th anniv while you are still dating will only freak the guy out. Learn to take small steps and enjoy the moment rather that fastfoward with an over active imagination, leaving your partner confused and spooked.

8 Things women desperately want from men

Someone once said 'To generalize on women is dangerous. To specialize on them is infinitely worse'.

Well, what women want still remains the unanswered question across the globe. However, men needn't lose hope for all is not lost. There are still a good number of things that most women like. Here are a few from the long list which can perhaps help you make her fall head over heels in love with you. Take your pick to woo and sweep her off her feet!

Superman: Women love to be protected. So show in more ways than one to prove that you will be her saviour should your damsel land in distress! Women are always in awe of men who can step up in times of conflicts. Be sure you grab every opportunity that situation throws at you.

Smell good: Deodorant Ads may be going overboard showing men being lured by women's perfume. But the other way is also true. Choose a deo that suits you. Especially if it's your first date, it's best not to try anything experimental. Know what smells best on you. Remember, what smelt heavenly on your friend might stink on your skin! For everything depends on your body odour. When you spray perfume on your body, what you smell is a combination of the deo spray and your body odour. Choose wise.

Surprises galore: Women love surprises be it chocolates, love notes, gifts or even a bouquet of flowers. Women don't mind them in any numbers. You are sure to score brownie points with this one!

Transparency: Honesty is still the best policy. Never lie to her if you are thinking of a long-term relationship. Never mind you will face some initial flak, but eventually you will win over her trust.

Perfect body: What with the celebrities being obsessed with getting a six pack or eight pack abs, girls too go ga ga over men with a well-toned body. Get into the habit of regular workout so you can make heads turn!

Dress well: Nothing turns off a women than a poorly-dressed man. Do a style-check, spot the trends in fashion, speak to a stylist to find out what looks best on you. Clothes maketh man literally!

Crowning glory: Nothing like a funky haircut! A good hairstyle can give you a different look altogether. What are you waiting for? Get that stunner look so you can impress that chick you have been eyeing.

Magic of your hands: You might have taken your girlfriend to the hottest restaurants in town, yet she will not mind if you can cook one of her favourite dishes (or even plain instant noodles) when she's hungry. Such moments are never forgotten.

7 types of men women can’t resist

Here is a list of different kind of guys that interest a girl. Which is your kind?

Always wondered why some guys always manage to get the best of girls? Well, the secret is not good looks or a well-defined six pack, but the fact that women simply get attracted to certain personality traits and flock to men who possess them.

Below are seven of these "ideal types" of guys that women are drawn to, and an explanation as to why these guys are so appealing, reports Fox News. The list could help you understand what women are looking for, and most importantly, to make sure that you fit the bill.

The intelligent one
He instigates conversations that are intellectually stimulating, and listens to what she has to say in response. He makes her laugh with his clever sense of humour, and has an uncanny ability to make politics interesting. He can shoot the breeze with her for hours, and it will never get boring.

Why he is so irresistible
An intellectual connection is a big part of what sustains a relationship, and if you can show her that you've got that, she'll be hooked pretty quickly.

The confident guy
He is totally secure and sure of himself. He is assertive in public, and gives off an aura of power and control. In a relationship, he doesn't get jealous of other men; he doesn't feel threatened by his girlfriend's male friends or co-workers.

Why he is so irresistible
Women are attracted to confident men. Consider this: If you think you are great, she will probably be influenced to think the same. The confident man doesn't seek approval from women, and this makes them want him even more.

The artistic guy
The artistic guy is spontaneous and lives for the moment. Often, he will use his creativity to woo her, such as with a song he has written about her or a painting he has made for her.

Why he is so irresistible
Every woman wants to feel unique and special. There is no better way to make her feel this way than to use her as your muse or your source of inspiration. She is intrigued by the artistic guy's creative mind, and especially by the way he incorporates her into his art.

The exotic element
He comes from a faraway exotic country, and has a cute accent or a unique way of seeing the world. His social customs, and everyday behaviour can be a little quirky, but he always manages to come off as uniquely charming.

Why he is so irresistible
Women often choose this kind of guy if they are curious about the world, but most of the appeal comes down to a fascination with dating someone from another culture.

The considerate guy
He holds open her car door, and pulls out her chair. He foots the bill for dinner, and makes sure to offer her dessert. He always asks her out with reasonable notice, and picks her up at her door. He is generally sensitive to how she is feeling, and when she is ready to go home.

Why he is so irresistible
Once a woman has gone through her share of the bad guy, the rude guy and the not-calling-her-back guy, she will likely re-evaluate her priorities. It takes a bit of maturity on her part to realize this, but eventually most girls come around and realize that they want a guy who will treat them well in the long run. But, think twice before copying any of the above character types, for women can know when you are faking it.

Eternal romantic
He believes in classic romance. He is constantly bringing her flowers, chocolate and lighting candles during dinner. He calls her often to let her know he is thinking about her, and looks into her eyes and tells her how he feels.

Why he is so irresistible
A woman loves to feel appreciated, and the romantic guy makes this happen. He uses romantic gestures to show her he is thinking about her. As an added bonus, she feels free to reciprocate and act on her own romantic tendencies.

The free spirit guy (aka the Bad Boy)
The free spirit guy goes where the wind takes him, and the wind usually takes him on some kind of whacky adventure. He might ride a motorcycle, or he might skip work to take her on a last-minute road trip, but this guy doesn't worry too much about the consequences - he just sees where his own devices take him.

Why he is so irresistible
Every woman wants a bit of a rebel. She loves his carefree attitude and hopes that it will rub off on her too. The bad boy spirit adds an element of youthfulness to the relationship, and she loves to try taming him, although she knows she'll never actually succeed.

Reasons she dumped you

Suddenly single and don't know what hit you? Here are some reasons why she may have applied the brakes on your relationship

If you've been in a relationship that has coasted along just fine until it suddenly hits a snag, it can be a rather disorienting experience. She may say "It's not you, it's me", but chances are it really was you.

No one pulls the plug on a great partnership for flimsy reasons. If you're lucky and can handle the truth, you will get the undiluted version of why she thinks it's not going to work out. But nobody likes to be the bearer of bad news and it's just easier to let a man down with a diplomatic line. Her job is done and her hands are clean, but you're left with only your battered ego for company.


She felt suffocated

You think you're always right and want to have your way most of the times. But you pushed your luck in the relationship when this habit encroached on her personal space. Like you, she enjoys attention from the opposite sex, having a girls' night out every once in a while on a weekend and doing things that make her feel good about herself such as dancing, singing or playing the guitar. If you often picked up a fight with her for hanging out with her male colleagues, or told her not to wear certain outfits that you deemed as revealing, then you dug your own grave. You restricted her freedom and led her to think of you as a lesser man.

You were clingy

You didn't have a life of your own. You cut off your close friends so that you could spend all your time with her. You called her at work every now and then to check if she is fine. Your emails and texts were over-the-top and mushy. You didn't complain, you didn't argue and you didn't take the initiative when it came to planning an outing. Instead of being an interesting and challenging guy, you were baggage. A little mystery and self-control is always good if you want to hold on to your girl.

You want a counsellor

Every woman wants to be loved and nurtured. However, you were looking for a confidante and a shoulder to cry on. You poured your heart out about all your life problems, hoping that she would have all the answers. You made her feel like she was your mother. And this changed her perception of you from a man to an immature child, who constantly needed someone to wipe his tears and hold his hand, which she obviously had not signed up for.

You have hygiene issues

You eat with your mouth open, your breath is less than minty fresh and you burp loudly in public. She never told you that but probably dropped a lot of hints which you failed to pick up.

If you took your girl for granted and thought it was okay to ignore personal hygiene, you shouldn't really be surprised by your relationship's premature demise, should you? Your socalled casual habits were the reason for her embarrassment lots of times. She just chose not to put up with your smelly armpits, flaky dandruff or unclean nether regions every time.

You were bad in bed

You came early, were selfish and never made an attempt to satisfy her. You thought that she was okay with that but she probably never told you so, just to spare your ego. Brush up your skills and learn to give equally in bed.

You have no confidence

Even without good looks, a confident man can win over some of the hottest women. If you are low on self-esteem because you have not been with many women so far in your dating career, are not earning enough or too shy to socialise with her friends, your woman will sense it instantly. It's a big turn off to be with a man who is not sure of himself. She is likely to think, how will you take care of her when you are unable to take care of yourself?

She was not that into you 

While the sex was great, you could never establish an emotional connect with her. You may not have had anything in common in terms of music, movies or food. Whether she never made an effort to understand you or you realised it later, you need to find someone who is into you. The foundation for a strong relationship is based on mutual respect and shared experiences. Maybe next time round, you might just get lucky.

Sex positions that women love

1. The cowgirl: Let her take charge in this girl-on-top position. It lets her be on top of things while you enjoy the ride, making it a win-win position. Another advantage is that when the woman is in control, she can decide how she wants to reach orgasm.

Tip: For a sureshot clitoral orgasm, ask your woman to lean forward while arching her back and leaning on her hands. Instead of going up and down, she can move laterally so that you hit the right spots and stimulate her in the sensitive areas. Show her some love by sitting up straight and hugging her.

2. Countertop sitting: You've had a brilliant Valentine's Day cookout and can't wait to go to the bedroom get at each other. Make good use of the kitchen counter by lifting her up onto it. Ask her to take on the spread eagle position with you facing her. This position provides maximum G-Spot stimulation and arouses both partners. Since you are taking the lovemaking out of the bedroom, it's also quite spontaneous. However, it's a tricky one since guys tend to ejaculate prematurely.

3. Missionary position: Predictable though it is, the missionary (man on top) position is a classic hit with women since it's pleasurable and also harbours closeness. It allows you to kiss, touch and gaze into each other's eyes while your body gets the loving treatment.

Tip: The slant of your entry makes all the difference. Swivel your hips for a happy twist.

4. Sideways: Sideways positions — spooning and side by side —are good news for men who suffer from premature ejaculation since there are fewer chances of losing an erection. Although it limits the movement of both partners, it gives leeway for more snogging. You can caress your woman and the constant contact with your body will soothe her while you whisper sweet nothings into her ear.

Sex makes you smarter

Sex not only helps decrease stress levels and burn away calories, but boosts yourintelligence too!

Love-making proved to greatly increase the creation of new neurons located within the hippocampus - an area of the brain that is responsible for the formation of long-term memory, say researchers.

"We discovered that even though there had been the production of new neurons, the cognitive abilities acquired during the experiment decreased once the mice were subjected to long periods without sexual activity," psychologists from the University of Maryland in the US were quoted as saying.

Increased sexual activity floods an individual's brain cells with oxygen, they noted.

Another study by Konkuk University in Seoul, South Korea, provided further substantial evidence.

According to the Korean study, sex increases intellectual functions.

Sexual activity buffers the creation of neurons in the hippocampal region of the brain, which acts against detrimental functions caused by extreme stress.

Older couples that are more sexually active have less odds of getting dementia which is due to a variation of complicated reasons, said a report in Glamour magazine.

Things your guy doesn’t want you to know

You may be proud of the fact that you've finally got your man to open up and share his secrets with you but don't be so sure about it.

There could still be things he would never want you to know. We reveal a few of them...

He may be your childhood friend or someone you've been with since more than a decade. But this doesn't make it mandatory for your man to tell you every little thing about his life, especially his past. There is certain valuable information he would love to keep to himself and never tell you about it. Moreover, men even feel trapped if they are pushed to open up or communicate. Here are a few facts your man may try to cover up..

How does it feel listening to stories about how your guy bagged a lot of hot chicks during his college days and the kind of physical equation he shared with each of them? It certainly isn't a great feeling. Your guy knows this and so he may hide it from you. You need not force your guy to divulge numbers as it might upset him and put you at the risk of spending the night alone.

His strip club experiences
Most guys take pleasure in watching the ladies dance around erotically. For your guy, going to a strip club with his gang of guys might be an open option for an evening's entertainment but he would make sure you don't even get a hint about it. "Your guy will never even say that he was a regular earlier with the fear that you'd interrogate him on the same," says Dr Montel, consulting psychotherapist and relationship counsellor. "You would want to know why he likes it, and how much he spends when he goes to a strip club and a lot more," she adds.

He is emotional
Being caught crying by a woman is nothing less than a nightmare for some guys. That's one of the reasons guys never express themselves. They love to portray themselves as strong and attempt to create a macho-man like image of themselves. Some even believe that shedding tears or expressing one's feelings is something that just women do. Guys never want you to know that even they think a lot about certain things and that those little matters tend to affect them too.

His porn store location
His hard disk is full of porn and sleazy content but when you may ask him about it, he might react saying, "What?" Guys like porn but they might not be very open to accepting the same. Guys tend to mix up their fantasy world with the real one which is wrong but you need not compare yourself to Jenna Jameson every time you're in bed with him. If you know that your guy is trying to keep his porn collection under wraps, let him. Do not stress him into unveiling it by poking him all the time.

He is still a mama's boy
Many men are pampered and spoilt for choice by their moms. So when they get
married or get into a relationship, they end up constantly comparing their partners to their moms which in turn leads to the extremely popular saas-bahu rivalry. They may know it but definitely wouldn't like you to know that they are overgrown mama's boys and still depend on their mommy for their every little need.

His bizarre fantasies
Certain fantasies can be shared and enjoyed together. But he may be into real freaky stuff that may involve weird tools, and you may not quite appreciate them. So, it's absolutely normal for him to not divulge some daydreams and thoughts as you may just head to the door once you get to know of them.

Things never to say to a woman

There are few guarantees in life, but this much we can say with certainty: The sun rises in the east, death comes to us all, and you will -- at one time or another -- suddenly find yourself in the midst of a blazing fight with your girlfriend without even realizing it.

Many of us have been there. One minute you're having a conversation, maybe a minor argument, but that's OK; it's all under control. Then you say something -- a word or passing comment, something relatively harmless, or so you think -- and it sets her off. As soon as it leaves your lips, the air changes, and there's no easy way back.

There are some things men should never say to their women -- conversational land mines that appear insignificant on the face of it, but are anything but. The good news is that we know, for the most part, what they are. Many men have suffered before you. It would be wise to heed their counsel.

1. "Are you really going to eat all that?"

Your girlfriend is, by definition, as light as a feather and nimble as a ballerina. To so much as whisper a hint of the notion that she might be, you know, otherwise, is to risk paying a price as heavy as you suspect her to be. In fact, avoid the topic of food altogether if you can. Eating is an emotional, often obsessive business for women, and occasionally it's an actual disorder. It's tied up with their identity, their self-image, their fantasies. So the answer is, yes, she's really going to eat all that. All that ballet must have given her an appetite.

2. "B*tch"

The B word is like the N word: Unless you've been appropriately oppressed, you don't get to use it. You might be able to pull off an ironic Snoop Dogg-style "beeeyatch," so long as you're smiling as you say it. But to say "b*tch" with any kind of intent is to pull the pin out of a grenade.

3. "My ex used to ... "

Anything you say with the words "my ex" in it will be held against you in a court of law, as it should. Of course it's natural to compare your girlfriends, but keep it to yourself. There are inside thoughts and outside thoughts. This belongs firmly to the former category.

4. "You always do that"

One sure way to escalate a minor tiff into a nuclear showdown is to use words like "never" and "always." They're too sweeping to be true, so you'll not only upset her, but also give her the opportunity to prove you wrong and seize the higher ground. And it tends to drag every other argument you've had into your present one, which is like rehashing all the worst parts of your relationship all at once.

5. "You sound just like your mother"

Don't compare her to her mother. Or her sister, for that matter. You don't know those people like she does, and you don't know the full complexity of their relationships. And anyway, everyone wants an independent identity, separate and distinct from their family members.

6. "Yeah, she's hot"

Chances are she lured you in with an innocent question, like, "Do you think she's cute?" shrugging her shoulders like it wouldn't matter either way. But don't be fooled. You must lie quickly and reflexively. Whether it's a girl in a magazine, a Facebook friend, a waitress -- whoever -- the answer is always no. In fact, you win extra points for casually finding fault in her the closer you look. Watch your girlfriend light up as you say, "Is it me, or is her nose a bit weird?"

7. "What's up with your hair?"

Her hair looks great and it suits her perfectly. She's allowed to have a bad hair day, but you're not allowed to notice. For girls, hair isn't just hair.

8. "Relax"

The thing about "relax" is it dramatically reduces the chances of her relaxing. The same goes for "chill" and "calm down." Here's an alternative: "I can see how you would feel that way." It takes a Zen master to actually use it in the heat of combat, but it's there if you need it.

9. "Is this your time of the month?"

Even if it is, you're not to mention it. Your role is to pretend that her menstrual cycle has no effect on her tendency to shriek and stamp and then burst into tears for no reason whatsoever. In this matter, you must occupy the high ground and show pity. Indulge her delusion that she is not in fact deranged by hormones and that she's making a valid point. The moment will pass.

10. "I love you"

I know what you're thinking. This is supposed to be the magic pill, the cure-all, the instant fix. But the thing about the L word is that it sends women into a heightened sense of awareness. As soon as they hear it, they can tell whether or not you mean it. Misuse the force and it may destroy you. Or as the saying goes, if you play with fire, you might get slapped in the middle of a restaurant.