10 guilts every woman lives with

According to a recent study, 96 per cent women feel guilty at least once a day, having a destructive effect on their health.

Here are 10 ways to deal with this, that could leave you happy and guilt-free.

Are you sick of reading about how an amazing broccoli-only diet will make you happier, how spending more time with your children will boost their self-esteem, or how decluttering your home could transform your sex life? You're not the only one. According to a recent study, 96 per cent of women feel guilty at least once a day. This can have a destructive effect on our health, even factoring in the onset of depression. Here's how you can beat the 10 most common causes of guilt.

Not spending enough time with your children
A startling majority of working moms feel like they haven't struck the right balance between their work and children. If you're at work worrying about the children, work isn't getting the best out of you and the kids aren't getting anything. You should give your full dedication depending on where you are, whether at work or with the kids. That way everyone, including yourself, benefits.

Not losing extra weight
More than 70 per cent women report being on a diet at any one given time, regardless of whether they are actually overweight or not. If you want to look gorgeous and slim, choose to change your situation and make time to go to the gym or a slimming group. Recognise it is your choice and no one else is to blame.

Spending money on yourself
Going on a shopping spree may be fun, but the after effects can send some into a spiral of self-loathing and guilt. However, if you rationalise your reasons for spending money on a spa break because you need the downtime, or a new business suit because it will help you in your work, then you have no reason to feel guilty.

Your partner is unhappy
If you do feel guilty that you're not doing enough to make your partner happy, then it is suggested that you both sit down and look at your timetables and agree on how you can make more time for each other. Discuss it and come up with a change in your behaviours that will make you both happier as a couple.

Always being late
Sometimes, situations arise which will make us late, no matter how well prepared we are, prompting feelings of guilt and panic. Sitting on a train and getting aggravated about what you could be doing if you were there already is a waste of energy. Ask yourself how you can use the moment? You could write out a full shopping list, rehearse what you want to say in the meeting or call your mother. Sitting there winding yourself up hurts only yourself and no one else.

Not being able to play the perfect hostess
Many women say they would like to put on the perfect dinner party or a drinks bash but they often set themselves high standards that they then fail to meet. The desire for social excellence derives from our need to be perfect all the time. Go on, host your party and be a bad party hostess.The moment you accept you can do it, but do it badly, it takes the pressure off. We give ourselves a lot of 'I should be the perfect dinner party host'. Everyone has a different perception of everything so you can try to host a dinner party but you have to do it your way.

Forgetting birthdays
It's not deliberate. Some of us are running about for 18 hours a day and have a million things to do. If you do feel guilty then simply tell yourself you know you're doing your best, apologise and make clear that it wasn't something done deliberately. If the person chooses to take umbrage, then that's up to them.

Taking out some me-time
Living up to the 'superwoman' image that many women wish to maintain, can lead to terrible feelings of guilt over giving themselves time off to get their hair done or read a book. But doing nothing is very important in allowing us to physically and mentally recharge. But it is very difficult for other people to see you doing nothing and allow yourself to do it. Tell people the truth. That you need a break because you are at your limit - then accept that the world is not going to fall apart without you.

Letting your parents down
Women can inherit guilty feelings through the generations of not doing enough for their elders and in some way failing their parents. Learn to accept that your parents will love and judge you no matter what. Obviously do try and be sensitive but if you go your own way and you are successful and happy, then if they are decent human beings, they'll be happy for you in any way.

Saying 'No'
Saying 'no' is hard because we don't want to be seen as the baddie and because women are taught from a young age to put others first. The first thing to do is to give yourself time to think about each request and it is suggested that you say something noncommittal like, 'That sounds interesting, give me half an hour and I'll get back to you on it'.
If you really don't want to do what they ask, then give the person other options to help solve their problem.

Female Orgasm: How to Achieve it?

Why is a female orgasm harder to come by? Experts fill you in

The female orgasm has forever been both a complex and an elusive phenomenon. Two recent studies in the US on orgasm rates for men and women in casual hook-ups revisit its mysterious ways. They confer that women aren't climaxing in casual flings nearly as often as they do in serious relationships. In one study, for instance, of 24,000 students across 21 colleges, 40 per cent of women were found to have had an orgasm during their last hook-up involving sex, against 80 per cent of men.

Be it the fact that men's privates are easier to arouse than a woman's, or a woman having to make do with a sexually inept partner, there's no denying that women — despite being blessed with the ability to have multiple orgasms — have a harder, longer road to the big O than a man. We get three experts to explain why there's an orgasm gap between men and women.

Dr Debby Herbenick, PhD, research scientist at Indiana University and author of Sex Made Easy
Vaginal intercourse is the most common sexual behaviour that men and women engage in together, and it's easier for men to have orgasms from intercourse than it is for women to do so. Some women find it easier to orgasm, or they orgasm more quickly, when they receive oral sex or when they or their partner stimulates them with fingers or a vibrator.

Some women feel pressured by their partner to have an orgasm. "Faking" an orgasm can feel easier than explaining to a partner in the heat of the moment that it just isn't going to happen. Some women who fake orgasms, say they do so because they don't want to hurt their partner's feelings or that they want sex to end. As for how an orgasm is worked up and triggered, both women and men have multiple pathways to orgasm, much of which is still poorly understood.

Communication can help both parties learn how to please their partners. It's not that either sex is "inept" but it helps to talk more openly about desire, likes, dislikes, and how we want to be pleasured. Orgasms are important to both women and men, but not necessarily every time they have sex. Intimacy and feeling connected are some of the most important parts of sex for both men and women.

Dr W Minder , sexpert 
Often, a woman doesn't reach an orgasm because the man may be suffering from premature ejaculation or he may be in a tearing hurry to get things done. I feel lack of foreplay plays a big factor in not arousing the woman enough to get her to go all the way. That and a man's indifference towards her need to have an orgasm as well. When it comes to how we are wired, man essentially works on a one-track mind which is focussed on ejaculation. Women however crave for a more wholesome experience, and often, also, a more emotionally involved one. Unlike men, women can have multiple orgasms but there are shortcomings on both sides that lead to the woman not climaxing. In any case, orgasms have only recently been hyped by the media as the be-all and end-all of a sexual encounter. It doesn't have to be that way. In fact, the truly happy couples are those that enjoy their sex lives without bothering about orgasms.

Dr J Anderson, consultant andrologist
For women, it's often harder to reach an orgasm because of various psycho-social issues apart from their partners' sexual ineptness. Anatomically, male and female bodies co-relate to each other and ideally both should be able to have orgasms as easily. With men, sex is more active and obvious. If he is aroused, he gets an erection and if he has an orgasm, he ejaculates. Women though don't have a definite marker for orgasm. That's why women can easily fake it just to go with the flow.

Women need more stimulation and for a longer duration, so it all comes down to technique. While women are capable of having as many orgasms, it's more vulnerable to external factors. Also, our society is male-biased to an extent where a woman's sexuality is considered less important. Somewhere, women too may feel unimportant about having an orgasm, or guilty about bringing up the issue of not having one. Sex and orgasm is still largely suppressed for women, but this is changing now. Though orgasms don't have to be such a big deal, it's hard for couples today to escape the big hype that's spun around the big O.

7 best foods for your heart

Include these foods in your diet for your cardiovascular health. 

Walnuts: Rich in omega-3 fatty acids, fiber, Vitamin E, and folate, eating unsalted walnuts regularly can go a long way in protecting your heart. Like walnuts, almonds too are a good source of nutrients for your heart. 

Spinach: Leafy veggies, particularly spinach, provide iron, vitamin C, vitamin A and magnesium. Saute spinach in garlic and have it as a side dish. 

Oats: This fiber-rich superfood also comprises omega-3 fatty acids, folate and potassium, all of which can help reduce your cholesterol levels and maintain healthy arteries. Start your day with a bowl of oats.

Asparagus: This thin, green stick comes packed with anti-inflammatory nutrients like folate and vitamins C and D. Low in calories, asparagus can be cooked quickly. 

Beans: Beans, particularly kidney beans, are a good source of heart-healthy and stress-busting vitamin B, iron, and calcium. Make a kidney bean, tomato and carrot soup or use them in a veggie dip. 

Blueberries: Rich in antioxidants and vitamin C, blueberries contain lesser calories and sugar, so you can eat them to your heart's content. They are also a good source of fiber, which can help relieve the cramps and constipation that can occur when you're under stress. Eat them raw or make a blueberry smoothie. 

Salmon: Containing omega-3 fatty acids, having grilled salmon is a good way to keep your heart healthy.

Married couples avoid talking about sex

Sharing office gossip, discussing finances and friends, are common among couples. A relaxed chat in your living room sipping hot cups of coffee is a respite for most working couples, after a long tiring day. 

However, trouble starts when the conversation moves from the living to the bedroom. While couples enjoy every topic on the earth, why is sex such a dreaded subject, let's find out.
"The way the bar tender asks Bond how he likes his martini, stirred or shaken, that's the way they talk about being intimate/sex there," says Dr. Myaank Keswani, clinical psychologist. "However, talking about sex doesn't exist in India, at least not for middle class couples. For us, the term 'bedroom talks' means sorting out personal differences that cannot be discussed in front of friends or family or some health and hygiene problems," adds Keswani.
Most of us are stereotypes like Bosky Maniar Patel, who questions, "What's there to talk about sex?" She further adds, "Not that I come from a traditional family who never allow their women to work outside or put a host of restrictions on them. I have done fashion designing and all said and done, I still can't sex-talk with my husband. It's embarrassing." That's what most couple feel when it comes to having such talks. They feel it is something so private that it cannot be discussed, like everyday issues.

"However, what they fail to understand is that this is one thing that creates major issues among couples, since they do not understand what the other wants," points out Prantika Goswami, a marriage counsellor.
Prantika suggests sex-talk to most of the couples who come to her for pre-marriage counselling. "I advise couples to indulge in intimate talks, discuss what the other partner likes. Knowing each other's likes and dislikes makes the relationship better. Couples who have a healthy sex life mostly have a healthy marriage, since it is a great emotional boost," she says.
Let alone discussing positions and fantasies, couples don't even discuss if they want to get intimate or not. "Women keep waiting for the men to make the first move, and they just get into the flow. I've hardly seen couples who talk and laugh about intimacy. Those who do are happier and have a better marriage. The reason being, both the partners are sexually satisfied, which decreases the chances of infidelity and they are also able to tackle issues amicably, as both of them have an equal share of say," says Sadhana Patil, marriage counsellor.
As opposed to the stereotypes, there are some modern couples, who don't just have intimate talks but also use the information to make each other happy, when in bed. One such couple is Raghu Subramanium and Vanya Jadhav, who openly talk about sex. "We even talk about it on chat, or send each other good reads on the subject that suggest that it's good for health. Also, there are times when interesting pictures follow," laughs Vanya. She adds, "Yes, many may argue that it is taboo, but we like to indulge in intimate talk since it strengthens our relationship," adds Vanya.

Weight loss depends on day of the week

A new study has revealed that just as there are natural sleep cycles, so are there natural weight loss cycles which have a lot to do with whether a person is slim or chubby. 

Dr. Brian Wansink from Cornell University, in collaboration with researchers from the VTT Technical Research Centre of Finland and Tampere University of Technology, looks into the impact that the seven-days-a-week human cycle has on weight. He said that almost everyone loses weight on weekdays and gains weight on weekends. What separates the slim from the heavy isn't how much more they gain on weekends, it's how much they lose during the weekdays. Eighty adults participated in the study, ranging in age from 25 to 62 years old.

These individuals were categorized according to relative weight changes: weight losers, weight gainers, and weight maintainers. The results revealed a clear pattern in weekly weight fluctuation with higher weight after weekends (Sunday and Monday) and decreasing weight during the weekdays reaching the lowest point on Friday.

The researchers found a difference between weight losers and weight gainers in these fluctuation patterns. Weight losers had stronger compensation pattern (i.e. after weekend the decrease started immediately and continued downward until Friday) whereas weight gainers had more variability between days and no clear decrease during weekdays.

8 healthy foods every woman must eat

Essential nutrition for good health


While eating healthy is essential for both the sexes, men and women have different dietary requirements. Here are some foods that every woman must include in her diet... 

Flax seeds 

Have flax seeds daily for overall good health. They are a good source of Omega-3 fatty acids and are known to reduce the risk of heart disease and breast cancer. They also have anti-inflammatory properties that prevent arthritis, apart from digestive properties which help ease irritable bowel syndrome. 

Salmon 

Not only is salmon rich in iron, which is usually lacking in women, but it is also full of omega-3 fatty acids, known to improve your mood. Experts say that omega-3 helps treat depression and prevent mood swings. 

Cranberries 

Certain studies over the years have found a link between eating cranberries and how it reduces the risk of breast cancer and heart disease. Also, they have the ability to prevent and cure urinary tract infections. Have a glass of cranberry juice every other day. 

Spinach 

While this might not be a much-loved food, spinach is packed with a host of vitamins, minerals and high amounts of magnesium. And magnesium is known to help reduce the physical symptoms of PMS like swelling, breast tenderness, bloating and weight gain. 

Walnuts 

Experts say that walnuts have omega-3 fatty acids, antioxidants and phytosterols — all important in reducing the risk of breast cancer. The high omega-3 content also helps bone health, arthritis and depression. Walnuts also comprise nutrients like calcium, magnesium and folic acid. 

Oats 

Oats are bursting with health-boosting nutrients, great for female health. They keep your heart healthy, are great for digestion, keep blood pressure levels in check and also contain vitamin B6, which helps prevent PMS and mood swings. Another component — folic acid — prevents birth defects in babies and is essential for women during and after pregnancy. 

Milk 

Calcium deficiency is one of the major health concerns that affects women worldwide. Milk is an absolute must for women at any age. A great source of calcium, milk, when combined with vitamin D, is one of the best ways to keep osteoporosis at bay. Milk is also helpful in preventing symptoms of the dreaded PMS. 

Tomatoes 

A carotenoid that is essential for good health is lycopene, which is a pigment found in tomatoes. And several studies have said that lycopene can help prevent breast cancer. Apart from this, there is also evidence that suggests that it reduces the risk of heart disease.

4 sexual positions that women love.

This Valentine's Day, pleasure your partner in bed with these moves that are sure to send her straight to ecstasy

1. The cowgirl: Let her take charge in this girl-on-top position. It lets her be on top of things while you enjoy the ride, making it a win-win position. Another advantage is that when the woman is in control, she can decide how she wants to reach orgasm.

Tip: For a sureshot clitoral orgasm, ask your woman to lean forward while arching her back and leaning on her hands. Instead of going up and down, she can move laterally so that you hit the right spots and stimulate her in the sensitive areas. Show her some love by sitting up straight and hugging her.

2. Countertop sitting: You've had a brilliant Valentine's Day cookout and can't wait to go to the bedroom get at each other. Make good use of the kitchen counter by lifting her up onto it. Ask her to take on the spread eagle position with you facing her. This position provides maximum G-Spot stimulation and arouses both partners. Since you are taking the lovemaking out of the bedroom, it's also quite spontaneous. However, it's a tricky one since guys tend to ejaculate prematurely.

3. Missionary position: Predictable though it is, the missionary (man on top) position is a classic hit with women since it's pleasurable and also harbours closeness. It allows you to kiss, touch and gaze into each other's eyes while your body gets the loving treatment.

Tip: The slant of your entry makes all the difference. Swivel your hips for a happy twist.

4. Sideways: Sideways positions — spooning and side by side —are good news for men who suffer from premature ejaculation since there are fewer chances of losing an erection. Although it limits the movement of both partners, it gives leeway for more snogging. You can caress your woman and the constant contact with your body will soothe her while you whisper sweet nothings into her ear.

Include tomatoes in skin care regime.

The benefits of potatoes in removing dark circles have been proved time and again.

But did you know tomatoes are as effective in giving you a fresh look and relieving you from stress? Rubbing raw tomatoes on your face does not only help in reducing sun tan and damage, it also helps in getting back your lost glow. It is also helpful in removing those stubborn dark circles.

Here are a few short and quick face packs made out of tomatoes to give your skin a healthy shine.

Squeeze the juice from a tomato and a lemon into a bowl. Mix them together really well with a spoon. Apply this mixture carefully under your eyes before you wash your face. Leave it on for an hour and then rinse it off. If you are battling dry skin, you can also add honey to this pack. You can also use this mixture to tighten your skin and removes wrinkles. Use it thrice a week for best results.

Another amazing face pack is a mixture of tomato, orange and cucumber juice. Mix these three juices and apply on your face at night as a mask. Wash off after 30 minutes. This will not only boost your complexion but will also remove pigmentation marks effectively

10 ways to be a super daughter-in-law.

Here are a few tips to improve your relationship with your mom-in-law 

One of the biggest challenges of married life is to get along well with your in laws. Though this goes for both partners in a marriage, it is the woman who is affected the most. 

According to research around 60 per cent of all marriages suffer from tension with mothers-in-law that is normally between the woman and her husband's mother. The nagging, meddling mother-in-law  is often the cause of worry and the central idea that can help better the situation is to have a positive attitude and to show respect to the older woman. 

Positive attitude 
Just like being a daughter-in-law is new to you taking up the role of a mother-in-law is new to her too. Always try and convey a positive attitude towards her. The older woman is probably just trying her best to fit into her role as a mom-in-law. 

Equality 
Try to treat your mother-in-law and your mother equally. For example if you give your mother a birthday gift, then give your mother-in-law a gift for her birthday too. If you have children, then visit your mother and your mother-in-law with similar frequency. 

Sensitivity 
The fact that the lady has spent a significant part of her life raising her son may make her a little sensitive when another person becomes the centre of attraction of her son's life. 

Though most mothers do not consider her daughter-in-law competition, there are some mothers who do. The ones whose life revolved around their child for a long time because they are a single parent or had only one child are the ones who are most likely to behave in this way. If, for example, your mother-in-law mentions how much her son always liked her home cooking, do not try to compete by asserting how much he likes your cooking now. This would invariably hurt her. 

Respect 
Treat your mother-in-law with respect. Consider her older and wiser. She may have been through a lot of hardships in her life. In fact, talk to her and ask her about her childhood, growing up, raising kids, and life experiences. When she shares her life with you she will develop a liking for you and that can lead to a strong bond between the two of you. 

Expectations 
Getting to know the family you have married into may take time. Though most daughters-in-law are welcomed into the family with open arms, do not get disheartened if it does not happen. Give them time to know you better. 

Be attentive 
When your mother-in-law is at home be attentive towards her. Sit and chat, show her around town, and if she wants to help you prepare meals, then let her. You two can get to know each other better and bond. If she prefers to sit around being waited on hand and foot, then enlist your husband to help prepare meals and clean up. 

Information 
Try to keep mother-in-law informed; call and let her know about important events. Keep her in the loop. If you have children, send pictures to your mother-in-law. Grandmothers love getting pictures of their grandchildren. 

Advice 
Your mother-in-law has years of experience. Don't hesitate to take her advice. You may disagree with her and decide to not follow any of her suggestions, but be open to different ideas, at least listen, show respect, and do not take any advice as a personal attack. She is only trying to be helpful. 

Children 
Allow your mother-in-law to take care of your children. For them their grandchildren are more important than their own kids sometimes. If she wants to, let her spoil them a little, i.e. she lets them stay slightly past their bedtime or gives them some more chocolate than you would want to.

Communication 
Try and talk out things with the family. If something that someone said hurt you, do not keep it bottled up inside you. Discuss with your husband and your mother-in-law any slights or snubs and how it makes you feel.