Why is a
female orgasm harder to come by? Experts fill you in
The female orgasm
has forever been both a complex and an elusive phenomenon. Two recent studies
in the US on orgasm rates for men and women in casual hook-ups revisit its mysterious ways. They confer that women
aren't climaxing in casual flings nearly as often as they do in serious
relationships. In one study, for instance, of 24,000 students across 21
colleges, 40 per cent of women were found to have had an orgasm during their
last hook-up involving sex, against 80 per cent of men.
Be it the fact that
men's privates are easier to arouse than a woman's, or a woman having to make
do with a sexually inept partner, there's no denying that women — despite being
blessed with the ability to have multiple orgasms — have a harder, longer road
to the big O than a man. We get three experts to explain why there's an orgasm
gap between men and women.
Dr Debby
Herbenick, PhD, research scientist at Indiana University and author of Sex Made Easy
Vaginal intercourse
is the most common sexual behaviour that men and women engage in together, and
it's easier for men to have orgasms from intercourse than it is for women to do
so. Some women find it easier to orgasm, or they orgasm more quickly, when they
receive oral sex or when they or their partner stimulates them with fingers or
a vibrator.
Some women feel
pressured by their partner to have an orgasm. "Faking" an orgasm can
feel easier than explaining to a partner in the heat of the moment that it just
isn't going to happen. Some women who fake orgasms, say they do so because they
don't want to hurt their partner's feelings or that they want sex to end. As
for how an orgasm is worked up and triggered, both women and men have multiple pathways to orgasm, much of which is still poorly understood.
Communication can
help both parties learn how to please their partners. It's not that either sex
is "inept" but it helps to talk more openly about desire, likes,
dislikes, and how we want to be pleasured. Orgasms are important to both women
and men, but not necessarily every time they have sex. Intimacy and feeling
connected are some of the most important parts of sex for both men and women.
Dr W Minder ,
sexpert
Often, a woman
doesn't reach an orgasm because the man may be suffering from premature ejaculation
or he may be in a tearing hurry to get things done. I feel lack of foreplay
plays a big factor in not arousing the woman enough to get her to go all the
way. That and a man's indifference towards her need to have an orgasm as well.
When it comes to how we are wired, man essentially works on a one-track mind
which is focussed on ejaculation. Women however crave for a more wholesome
experience, and often, also, a more emotionally involved one. Unlike men, women
can have multiple orgasms but there are shortcomings on both sides that lead to
the woman not climaxing. In any case, orgasms have only recently been hyped by
the media as the be-all and end-all of a sexual encounter. It doesn't have to
be that way. In fact, the truly happy couples are those that enjoy their sex
lives without bothering about orgasms.
Dr J Anderson,
consultant andrologist
For women, it's
often harder to reach an orgasm because of various psycho-social issues apart
from their partners' sexual ineptness. Anatomically, male and female bodies
co-relate to each other and ideally both should be able to have orgasms as
easily. With men, sex is more active and obvious. If he is aroused, he gets an
erection and if he has an orgasm, he ejaculates. Women though don't have a
definite marker for orgasm. That's why women can easily fake it just to go with
the flow.
Women need more
stimulation and for a longer duration, so it all comes down to technique. While
women are capable of having as many orgasms, it's more vulnerable to external
factors. Also, our society is male-biased to an extent where a woman's
sexuality is considered less important. Somewhere, women too may feel
unimportant about having an orgasm, or guilty about bringing up the issue of
not having one. Sex and orgasm is still largely suppressed for women, but this
is changing now. Though orgasms don't have to be such a big deal, it's hard for
couples today to escape the big hype that's spun around the big O.
.jpg)
Eating a
cupfull of blueberries once a day may help spice up your love life, says
an expert.
.jpg)
.jpg)